Of course, Seneca must have thought Nero was insane. Marcus Aurelius probably thought the same about Hadrian. They knew the flaws of these men. Yet their position, and tradition, forbade them from simply saying what they thought. Seneca had a delicate balance he had to walk. Marcus Aurelius could not impugn Hadrian without undermining his own authority to rule, without undermining future emperors.

“I don’t think so, honey,” the always amazing Tina Fey told current Saturday Night Live Star Bowen Yang recently, “giving [your] real opinions about movies on this podcast. I regret to inform you that you are too famous now, sir.” She was passing on a lesson that all professionals eventually learn—that amateurs can afford to be flippant, professionals have to be much more disciplined. You’re not an outsider anymore, she was saying, your words have weight and impact and they can also close and open doors that might be important. “It does become a thing where it’s like,” she explained. “Oh, do you want to people who keep it real and have their podcast forever, or do you want to be goddamn movie stars?’” she explained. “My trail of mistakes lives behind me like…Jacob Marley’s train, like chains of shame.”

She wasn’t telling her friend to be dishonest, but she was telling him to be considerate and circumspect when he opened his mouth. A random fan can trash a movie they didn’t like. An actor should not—nor can they, unless they want to needlessly hurt the feelings of everyone involved in that movie…people they well might want to work with in the future. A citizen can pop off on Twitter, a journalist has to keep their opinions to themselves (if they want to retain their credibility). A grunt can complain and whine, a leader cannot. A regular person might be able to get away with being rude or catty, a public figure cannot.

Marcus Aurelius wrote Meditations to himself, yet he must have understood that at some level, he was not totally in private. That’s why he only speaks positively of people he knows in those pages. Never be overhead complaining at court, he wrote as a reminder, not even to yourself. Seneca would have understood that his letters to Lucilius would probably see a public audience, so he could not gossip or disclose about the things he had seen. Even Stockdale understood that his exchanges with his captors would have consequences for his fellow prisoners and his countrymen. They, like all leaders, like all well-connected people, had less freedom, not more, as a result of their position.

This is the price of success, of a platform, of power—that is, responsibility. Honesty is still required, but discretion is too. Catharsis is something you’ve given up. Venting is for outsiders. Speaking off the cuff is off the table. You’ll have to learn to keep some things to yourself now. You’ll have to be disciplined, conscientious, deliberate. You’re too visible now. Too much depends on you.