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Lessons From an Imperfect Father to His Perfect Son
A little over two years ago, my wife and I were blessed with a son.
But here's an honest truth I haven't shared: A few years ago, my wife and I were struggling to conceive.
At the time, we lived 3,000 miles away from our families while we chased some default definition of success. I was drinking too much, sleeping too little, and my stress levels were through the roof.
Life just felt out of alignment.
In May 2021, we made the decision to uproot everything and move across the country to be closer to family. Life came into alignment.
A few weeks after making the move, my wife surprised me with the news that she was pregnant.
It was the happiest moment of my life. I was happy for her, the burden that she was unfairly carrying having been lifted. I was happy for us.
Being a father has been my highest calling—Roman has brought a joy and purpose into my life that I didn't think I'd ever find.
With last Sunday being Father's Day, I spent time reflecting on the lessons, life principles, and values that I want to pass on to my son.
Not through teaching—as I don't believe you can tell your kids how to live—but through embodying them myself.
I am as imperfect as they come, but in my eyes, he is perfect.
So, consider these the lessons from an imperfect father to his perfect son...
1. Never avoid hard conversations.
When you avoid a hard conversation, you're taking on a debt that has to be repaid (with interest) at a date in the future.
Time doesn't heal anything when it comes to relationships. Make the minor repairs along the way and you'll avoid the major repairs later on.
Your success in life is proportional to the number of hard conversations you're willing to have.
2. Stress and anxiety are the result of the lack of a plan to bridge the gap between your expectations and your reality.
You have stress and anxiety when there is a gap between your present reality and your expectations for yourself—but in particular when you don't have a plan to close that gap.
Once you have a plan, they melt away, because it just becomes a "game" of executing on a daily set of actions, which is entirely within your control.
Whenever you feel the stress and anxiety building in your life, focus on identifying that gap and creating a plan that will guide your daily actions.
3. Adaptability is the single most powerful trait in life.
Create your plan, but never forget Mike Tyson's famous words: "Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth."
You'll only go as far as your ability to absorb life's punches and pivot on the fly. Charles Darwin is paraphrased as saying, "It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It is the one most adaptable to change."
Life is chaotic. The best are never broken by the chaos—they train themselves to be prepared for it, to benefit from it. The only constant is change. Adapt and win.
4. Don't complain about anything.
If it’s within your control, go do something about it. If it’s not, complaining is just a waste of energy.
"He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey.He who blames himself is halfway there.He who blames no one has arrived."
When you complain, you’re giving too much power to the thing. Take back that power.
5. Ambition is nothing without direction.
Ambition is not enough, because ambition without direction is a curse.
If you have ambition but no way to channel it, you'll feel trapped and lost. I've always had a lot of ambition, but the times in my life when I lacked a direction to channel it were some of the worst.
If you have ambition, focus on finding your direction—take action to explore until you find it. Do that and the rest will take care of itself.
6. You can get pretty damn far in life by just being someone that people can count on to show up and do the work.
Reliability is one of the most underrated traits. It's entirely free and doesn't require any talent or luck. Just show up, do the work, and get the job done.
In the short run, it is much harder to be exceptional than it is to be reliable. In the long run, being consistently reliable makes you exceptional.
7. Cherish the truth tellers in your life.
As you become more successful, most of the people around you will become afraid to tell you the truth. They will pat you on the back and tell you what they think you want to hear.
This is the downfall of many great men and women throughout history: They climb higher and higher, and their map of reality becomes more and more disjointed from the truth, simply because they don't have anyone around them who is willing to tell them the truth.
Find the truth tellers in your life—the rare few who are willing to give you honest perspectives from a place of love. Create an environment where they know they are safe to do so. If you do that, you'll always find a way to make it.
8. Always default to kindness.
The world is going to try to turn you into a cynic. Don't let it.
Be kind to every single person you encounter. It's the only real life hack. Kindness somehow remains severely underrated.
9. Spend more time with people who make your eyes light up.
One thing I've learned: A person is either holding you back or pushing you forward. There is no in between.
Your environment creates your entire reality. Spend time with people always talking about the past, you’ll be stuck in it. Spend time with people thinking big about the future, you’ll build a beautiful one.
Find the people who make your eyes light up and spend as much time as possible around them.
10. Embrace the friction of hard to live an easy life.
It's an interesting paradox that doing hard things makes life easier.
When we embrace voluntary struggle, we’re better equipped for the involuntary struggle that inevitably comes. So, wake up early, get cold, move fast, lift heavy, focus, be present, have difficult conversations.
Hard now, easy later.
11. The regret from inaction is far more painful than the regret from action.
Stop overthinking. Having a kid, taking that professional risk, moving to a new place—these are all big, scary decisions. The best you can hope for is to do the work to make the leap of faith as comfortable as possible. After that, you just need to open the door, jump out of the plane, and trust that you packed the parachute tight.
When you think every decision has to be perfect, you become paralyzed. Your decision doesn't have to be perfect. Your ability to quickly gather, process, and incorporate data after a decision is much more important.
12. Don't follow your passion, follow your energy.
Passion is a scary, loaded term. It's hard to figure out. I'm rarely passionate about something at the outset, so if I exclusively followed my passion, I'd default into things I'm already doing well.
Passion can lie—but energy never does.
When you have energy for something, you're prone to giving your deep attention to learn more about it. You open up to the world—you ask great questions and observe. Chasing your energy is how you unlock the gold in life.
13. Talent and skill are great, but they are nothing without self-awareness.
The most successful people are hyper self-aware. They identify their unique edge relative to the world and they play games that favor that edge. More importantly, they avoid games that would expose their weaknesses.
"The Lizard had the tree in mind when challenging the Dog to a fight."
Be selective in the games you choose to play. Know your role and play it well.
14. Delayed gratification is the key to the life of your dreams.
The greatest prizes in life are the result of delayed gratification.
Everything you want in life is on the other side of something that sucks. That suck might be 100 workouts. That suck might be 100 bland meals. That suck might be 100 hours of focused work. The best things in life require that upfront pain. Embrace the suck.
15. Accountability is a rare and powerful trait in the modern world.
Life definitively isn't fair. It's a harsh reality. But instead of wasting energy on every obstacle in your way, focus on what you can control and how you can break through.
Stop looking out—look in. Take back that power. Be accountable.
16. You are capable of achieving anything, but only if you're willing to put in the work.
If you want to accomplish anything in life, you have to work hard. Don't believe the hype: Hard work isn't the sexy, flashy Instagram posts—it's the ugly, painful effort in the dark, when no one is watching.
I've never seen something bad come from working hard towards a vision for the future. You may not achieve that exact thing, but there will be rewards that reveal themselves in due time.
Hard work will never be overrated. If you want something, go get it.
17. Be a Darkest Hour Friend.
It's easy to be there for people to celebrate their wins. It takes character to show up for them in their darkest hour. People never forget who supported them when they were down.
Be the friend who is always there—in good times and bad. Be the Darkest Hour Friend.
18. Closed mouths don't get fed.
If you want something—and you’ve done the work to earn it—go ask for it.
The old adage to sit back and wait for good things to happen is terrible advice. A little push goes a long way.
19. Always remember that no one has it all figured out.
No one knows what they want to be when they grow up. It’s comforting as a young person to know that you aren’t really supposed to “figure it out” when it comes to your future.
Just focus on pointing your compass in the right direction, embracing curiosity, and getting around great people. If you do that, good things will happen.
20. Life is more fragile than you think (even when you account for that statement).
You never know when it will be the last time you get to hug that friend, tuck your kid in for bed, kiss your wife, take a walk with your parents, or see that crazy family member. Hug your people with everything you have. Always make them let go first.
An Operating Manual for Life
Those 20 lessons, principles, and values collectively comprise something like an operating manual for life.
They are also a "reminder to self" on the things I need to embody every single day, however imperfectly, in the hopes that my son can learn from them.
Whether you have children, hope to in the future, or have no plans, these lessons hold something valuable for all of us.
I'll close with a beautiful quote on the power within:
"Don’t waste your time chasing butterflies. Mend your garden, and the butterflies will come." - Mario Quintana
This is something I've come to believe: The things you want most in life will come to you, but only when you're ready for them.
I get asked about my morning routine all the time. It changes from time to time, but AG1 has been the one constant since 2011. I drink it with a big glass of water every single morning to start my day on a positive tone.
It replaced an entire cabinet of supplements for me in one daily scoop—seriously, its latest iteration covers a multivitamin, multi-mineral, prebiotics, probiotics, adaptogens, greens, and more. It keeps me feeling healthy and strong throughout the year, even when I'm traveling (thanks to the travel packs).
